Not very long after my parents divorced we had a stranger in our house.
Suddenly, there were huge, grimy shoes in the downstairs toilet and lots of new, different coats on the hallway hooks.
Mam said she had a 'friend' and he'd be moving in with us.
One day, when we got home from school there were two books on the kitchen table; a guide to British birds (for my brother) and a Kenny Everett Annual (for me). Mam said they were presents from her 'friend' - because he wanted to show us how happy he was to be part of our family.
We knew fine well that her 'friend' hadn't really given us these 'presents' and he certainly never looked happy to be living with us... but Mam told us to say 'thank you', so we did.
We never wanted Mam to be unhappy.
He always seemed to be sitting on the settee next to Mam when we watched TV but who was he?
Mam said he used to live with his parents a few doors further down the street, so I suppose he wasn't a complete stranger, but it still seemed weird.
Why did he have to live with us?
I thought I recognised him - didn't he used to play squash with Dad? Is that why he was living with us?
We didn't know what to call him. Some of my friends asked if I had a new Dad. Did I? Could you have more than one?
Mam tried to sound enthusiastic - her 'friend' had a car and 'it would be lovely to go for a family drive'. She said Dad was jealous of her friend's 'fantastic' car.
But I thought it was horrible. Like everything else her new friend brought with him, it reeked of cigarettes.
I was used to the smell of nicotine (and the yellowed ceilings) at our Grandparents house in South Shields - but at home, this was something new and horrible. It reminded me of dried piss. I was a terrible bed-wetter and most days I'd wake up to the smell of drying piss. The whole house started to stink like that.
Mam was very house proud; quite a few times she got rid of our pet dogs because she was sick of them making a mess. She wouldn't tell us beforehand, so we'd just come home from school and Ben, Sandy or Duke would be gone. As soon as they stopped being little and cute and they started making a mess she didn't want them any more. She'd always say they'd gone to live on a farm.
Had she done the same to Dad? Would she do the same to me?
Mam was always telling me to tidy my toys and books away, otherwise, she said, I might come home from school and she wouldn't be there. I was terrified. So why did she let her new 'friend' smoke and leave his pissy, stinking ashtrays all over the place?
We couldn't keep our toys in the cupboard at the top of the stairs any more because our new housemate had filled it with his clothes and all manner of electronic bits and pieces. He worked at a factory on the industrial estate and he seemed to have suitcases full of wires, switches and batteries. Was he bringing his work home with him?
He also had a lot of records and they were stacked up in the living room; there were literally hundreds and hundreds of old vinyl LPs. I wondered how Mam coped with such a mess. Did she really like him that much?
He never did speak to me and I might have grown up thinking Mam's new friend was completely mute, except for the fact that I heard him arguing with Mam several nights a week.
They'd always wait until my brother and I were in bed - maybe they thought we were asleep - and they'd have long, loud, shouting matches. I would lie awake, wondering if this meant Mam was going to get rid of her new friend.
I heard what they were saying and I didn't think it would be possible to stay friends after that. And I'd never heard Mam and Dad yelling at each other (not until after Dad had moved out, anyway). But in the morning, it would be like nothing had happened. It just became normal. All the screaming and the shouting and then... Nothing.
I was still seeing my Dad at the weekends and he'd ask about Mam's new friend. And when I got home, Mam would ask if Dad had any 'new friends'. I suppose I wasn't old enough to understand what was going on so I told them both the truth.
I told Dad about the cigarettes, the arguments and the Kenny Everett Annual - and I told Mam about the different women Dad would bring along when we went to the cinema or the swimming baths.
At times it felt like Dad had a new friend every week. Maybe he was very popular. They both seemed to be in such a hurry to find new friends.
Mam's friend stayed with us for a long time. He never showed the slightest interest in me or my brother. He remained a stranger.
And the arguments continued. They got nastier and nastier as the years went by.
Eventually Mam said her friend was going to work abroad because he'd make loads more money and we'd have a nicer house and a better life. He'd only be at home for a couple of weeks each year.
I thought they both probably needed a break from all the shouting in the evenings. I hoped they wouldn't argue as much because they'd be both so pleased to see each other after spending a few months apart...
But within a day or two it all started again. Why did she put up with it? Why did he?
Years later, Dad claimed that Mam told him all about her new friend and it was a bloke he used to play squash with (I knew it!). Apparently Mam and Dad used to meet quite regularly to talk. Mam also told him her new friend was a much better Dad and he loved spending time with me and my brother.
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